Many people have experienced varying degrees of Trauma in their life, be it sexual abuse, verbal abuse, loss of a loved one, unexpected tragedy or etc. An individual’s response to tragedy is not always the same, depending on the severity of it, but unresolved pain from Trauma, can never be swept under the rug or ignored especially when you become a Parent!
Parenting a child, is probably one of the highest responsibilities given to any man or woman. Traumatic events in life that are not dealt with, tend to come to the surface when you are extremely stressed; which in turn will only hurt the one you love or that loves you. Here is how unresolved trauma can affect your child and some tips on how to overcome, and parent the way you have always wanted to.
How Unresolved Trauma affects your children!
1. It can overwhelm an individual’s ability to cope with life in general, making it difficult to deal with the pressure of parenting; creating an inconsistently inappropriate response to a child’s behavior.
2. Causes feelings of helplessness, and may diminish their sense of self-worth, ultimately loosing confidence in your ability to parent.
3. Affects your ability to feel full range of emotions, and life experiences which potentially affects connecting emotionally with your child.
4. It may also alter someone’s character, or true nature as a way of protecting themselves from others.
5. Being overly protective because of fear of the repetition of the cycle, which can result in pushing your children away vs bringing them close.
Tips on Overcoming and Parenting!
1. Overcome the fear, knowing that the Trauma you experienced is not your identity. Fear driven parenting, only perpetuates the very thing that you are running from.
2. Be Self-Aware, know how the Trauma has affected your ability to parent and deal with it!
3. Forgive yourself, yes you may have messed up, maybe your children are now adults and you feel it is too late, it is never too late. Forgive yourself first and then ask your children for forgiveness.
4. Get help! – Help looks different for everyone depending on the level of Trauma help may come in the form of Family Coaching, Trauma Certified Therapists, Leaders in your Faith, Mentors, Peers with lived experience and etc.
5. Move forward with no Regret! Regret prohibits forward motion and keeps you stuck in the past with no hope for the future.
